Podcast #1 Everyone Has A Say

IMG_0274Listen in as I share some ideas on the power of our thoughts, their connection to will-power, and their connection to organizational effectiveness.

 

 

 

 

 

Network Your Brand

imageDo you wonder how to network more effectively? Do you struggle in conveying your value on the landscape of competition and cooperation?

You can fix this by resetting your thoughts about where you fit in your professional network.

Above All
Know yourself best. You are the center of your network. Knowing yourself well adds quality to your conversations and projects. Knowing yourself is the way forward in establishing trust among clients and coworkers. Knowing yourself conveys personal confidence.

Next
Understand yourself and what you bring to the table, especially how your words and service will give strength to others. At the same time, recognize what is not yours to share. Share only from the deep reserve of your personal experience rather from the shallow pool of someone else’s knowledge or worse, from the puddle of pretending.

Be the Center

You don’t have to fake it to make it. You are the center of your network. Own your authentic brand and do not try to co-opt someone else’s brand.

Armed with self knowledge and self awareness, you now have a steady and safe platform from which to notice your connecting points with clients and peers. It is a platform from which to build bridges that are relevant to the professional success of others.

Stop living on the fringe of someone else’s network and start being the center.

Now, you are ready for your next networking conversation. People will notice your clarity, authenticity, and your value.

Conflicting Emotions Are Weeds on Your Path

Ambivalence refers to our internal conflicting emotions. I suspect it exists in that psychological space where we refuse to own an emotion, so we try to force the emotion to coexist with it’s opposite. We are giving ourselves time to consider and choose.

I have observed that some people, wanting to appear cool or hip or non-chalant actually feed ambivalence. Considered objectively, that practice ends up sabotaging our goals, our well-being, and our success.

What are some ways you have been ambivalent in 2015? Do you see how it is keeping you from happiness and success?

Resolve today to commit to your emotions. Stop waffling, and see your path to your dreams emerge in the new year.

Vibrational Offering

IMG_5815I’m not enamored with the term “vibrational offering” as it admittedly sounds a little kooky. Yet, the term refers to a phenomena that is decidedly not kooky.

You are a combination of feelings, thoughts and actions that create the things and events that can be observed as your life.

For example, what is your personal reaction to the picture of a fire? You could think positively and tell a story of success that you capture with the phrase, “I am on fire!” Alternatively, you could tell a story of overwhelming circumstances with a comment such as being “burned out.”

You choose.

Author Pam Grout shared the following on a recent podcast:

How we perceive something is how it shows up for us.

When you turn on the light in a dark room, you get to decide which of the hundreds of items in that room will get your attention. Likewise, as you survey your own reality you get to choose what you will attend to. That attention is a predictor of what is next.

How would you describe your current vibrational offering?

 

 

 

Thoughts Become Things


Thoughts become things.

What does one do with that information? You could do nothing with it. All of us grew up being taught a set of default thoughts that pretty much shape our lives. When you do nothing with the idea that thoughts become things, your life may not look appreciably different than that of your parents. Default thinking explains why children of privileged people become privileged as adults, and children of poor people tend to stay in that world, perhaps improving only slightly generation by generation.

Or you could take the information and test it. What if I isolate my personal thoughts and settle on the ones that are not part of the default set? Only when people break the default mold handed to them by their parents do they find themselves experiencing a different sort of life than their default thoughts were capable of producing.

IMG_7319So yes, an under-privilege person can be come privileged. A bricklayer’s daughter can earn a PhD and become a college Dean. An immigrant’s child can become President of the United States. A son of a millionaire can become the voice of justice who speaks out for the poor and lifts the aspirations of millions.

In each case the person who achieved the unexpected did so by breaking their default thought mold.

Thoughts become things. What can you do with this information? Here is an easily applicable strategy.

  1. Listen to your own thoughts.
  2. Give them credence (believe them).
  3. Talk them out with a confidant who also gives credence to your thoughts (a coach).
  4. Decide to bring your thought into existence.
  5. Act.

This is simplistic, yet not simple. Contact me here if you want to learn how a short coaching program can get you on the course you desire for your life.

 

 

Restructuring Your Reality

Luckily, life is not a Game of Thrones.  We’re not fighting for our lives with every waking breath. We are not usually surrounded by enemies with evil designs to wreck our good fortunes and dreams. It is closer to reality to suggest that our experience is are far more likely to be shaped by our own thoughts, beliefs and actions than by the nefarious back-channel plotting of individual actors beyond our control.

 

I agree with Maria Nemeth’s assumption expressed on her 2007 book, Mastering Life’s Energies. Life is meant to be lived with clarity, focus, ease and grace. And it is within your power to produce a life like that.
If that doesn’t describe your experience, start here.
 

Step 1.

Give yourself time and opportunity to choose and construct some new habits of thought. 

Remember that no matter what new reality you want, there is much that must happen prior to “just doing it”, Shia LaBeouf’s popular You Tube video notwithstanding.

 

To get to the doing it part, there are some pre-do-it requirements. The most important of the pre-do-it requirements is so obvious that most people miss it.
Stop all criticism. Louise Hay taught me this. You can hear it from her directly if you don’t believe me.
What are we supposed to do with the critical thoughts invading our consciousness?
  • Just stop it.
  • Stop before you think it.
  • Stop after you think it.
  • Stop before you do it.
  • Stop in the middle of doing it.
  • Stop after you’ve done it.
  • Just stop it.
  • Do not excuse it when you do it.
  • Unthink it.
  • Root it out from explanation of your actions and circumstances.

 

Self-criticism offers a silent or verbal caveat to any claim we can make on competency. It is the original and ultimate self-sabotage.

 

If a dolphin constantly criticized itself for its inability to climb a tree, it would become so defeated that before long it probably wouldn’t even bother to try to swim either.

 

If you don’t stop all self-criticism, all other attempts at change will prove unfruitful.

 

You can no longer afford the luxury of a negative thought. Belief is an important component of accomplishment. Self-criticism undermines belief. So, stop all criticism, okay?

 

A related, yet seperate required pre-do-it is to
Tune out all criticism of others directed toward you.
  • They might call it “constructive” to get you to think they could help. It might be offered “for your own good” or as some sort of reality check. If the words do not build you up, you are hereby authorized to courteously reject them.
  • Tune it out. Hearing it will not help you. In fact, it could slow you down for days or weeks.
  • If you hear it, change the station.
  • If you think you will hear it, change your location.
  • If someones’s (like a parent, spouse  or authority figure) criticism is in your head, reject it, evict it and soothe yourself with comforting and affirming statements.
  • Do not engage criticism as true in any way. Critical comments are really only a version of that other person’s perception and not factual at all. They offer it to make themselves feel good by making you feel bad. It seeks to make you accountable to their worldview, which isn’t going to help you in any way.

 

Pedro the Lion, a punk band, popularized a song in the first part of this century called Criticism as Inspiration which ,ironically, makes clear there is no inspiration in criticism. You can listen to the song on You Tube  or read on for the relevant part of the lyrics included below.
It makes me feel so good
To always tell you when you’re wrong
The big man that I am
To always have to put you down                                                  
 
It makes me feel so good
To always put you in your place
I can write it in a song
But never say it to your face, to your face
Songwriters
DAVID SHANNON BAZAN
LYRICS © BMG RIGHTS MANAGEMENT US, LLC

 

Step 2.

Create and hold space for new people and experiences.

Different thoughts are likely to make room for additional, perhaps different, people and experiences in your life. 

I heard of a coach who helped his clients achieve fantastic outcomes by offering ways for them to make room in their lives for different thoughts and different results. Yet by his own testimony was unable to do this for himself. The reason, it was pointed out to him, was that he had a very well practiced version of his own story and was completely unable to change it, because he was not aware of it. He could see this in others and help them change because he was not heavily invested in their stories. But he was heavily invested in his own. 
 
(Soapbox moment. This is why almost everyone who wants different results faster can benefit from hiring a coach. Part of a coach’s job is to create that space and hold it until you fill it with thoughts and actions that actually improve your life.)

 

In a Harvard Business Review article from January 22, 2015, Greg McKeown suggests that 99% of networking is a waste of time. Yet he realizes that relationships are the key to success. He quotes Rich Strombeck, venture capitalist and entrepreneur.
Opportunities do not float like clouds in the sky. They are attached to people.

 

Get to know new people. Build some focused strategies that do not waste your time. If you are an authentic contributor to the wellbeing and happiness of others, chances are the favor will be returned over and over.

 

Step 3.

Explore your strengths.

You have strengths. Now that you’ve stopped beating yourself up with criticism, learn what your strengths are and start building the habit of leveraging them in your work and relationships. If you want to know more about living from your strengths, here are a couple of resources you can dig into.

Step 4.

Reframe, Rehearse, Reinforce a new story.

 

My family of origin labeled me with the nickname “brainless.”(It wasn’t intended as cruel. It was just a normal expression of familial dysfunction. We’ve all been there, right?) But I was pretty young when it happened and darned if that didn’t become part of my story, despite significant counter-evidence along the way. In my thirties I finally put my foot down about it when a sibling used that moniker with me. I mention this as an example of telling a well rehearsed story that does not serve you, all the while living in perpetual panic that it might well be true.

 

Yes, I am conscious of the fact that I am still talking about it, so there is still more clearing work for me to do. See how important Step 1 above is?

 

Here are some techniques you can apply to work on this. I call them The Three Rs. 

Reframe: Change the story you tell yourself.

 

If I trace it back to its origin, I realize the nickname was merely a feckless and lazy way for someone to say they felt disappointment over something. Now I know that I am not obligated to burden myself with the memory of that nickname, just because someone insensitively directed it toward me.

Rehearse: Change your response to the original story.

Holding hand to heart, say, “When I feel myself being critical of my intellect, I remember that I can stand confidently in my intellectual abilities.”

 

Pointing to your right temple, say, “I am completely whole and able to apply my thinking in productive and prosperous ways.”

Reinforce: Offer a completely new vibration.

 

Here’s a good one from Neal Donald Walsh. “I accept as my truth the highest ideas about myself. I have called forth these ideas and do not reject them as too good to be true.”
I slightly paraphrased  his original tweet.
2015-06-02_09-04-59
 You do need to be intentional with this 3R process. It can’t happen by accident. Train your brain to be strong in a new conception of your reality. The stronger your intention and focus, the sooner it can happen.
 
Be kind to yourself today and try on these thoughts.