SteveMartins

Adding Value Through Growth Mindset Coaching

SteveMartins - Adding Value Through Growth Mindset Coaching

4 Ways You Know You’ve Got This

Quick. Think of a famous person.

Whether you thought of Beyoncé, Derek Jeter or Barack Obama, or someone else you happen to admire, I can tell you this. They all have these four things in common.

  1. The right emotions
  2. Vivid ideation
  3. Specific visualization
  4. Other people want to be them

Let’s unpack that list.

The Right Emotions

Most people who focus on improvement see mostly the condition of their lives – that which they want to be different than it currently is. They want to make more money, have better relationships, drive a better car, have zero debt and a myriad of other outer conditions.

Check in with struggling people on the feelings they hold in their hearts and you most likely will not discover the emotions of confidence, anticipation, and hope. Gratitude is very hard to see, too.

Yet such positive emotions are absolutely necessary to finding any success. And not just occasionally. More like constantly.

Your daily work is to improve your emotional sensation, not your circumstances. Let those positive feelings gain sufficient momentum. Stop consuming negative anything. Stop telling others your troubles.

Instead, find something that makes you feel great and focus your thoughts on that. Does your lover make your heart sing? Think about that one. Do the grandchildren keep you laughing? Recall them constantly. Watch television shows that make you laugh and smile and feel joy.

Fall asleep happy. Wake up happy. And build more momentum in the direction you want to go by consciously maintaining a happy frame of mind.

Vivid Ideation

When we feed positive emotion, we simultaneously open a highway of ideas to our brains.

Usually, successful people have so many ideas, they have to keep a journal just to record them. They know they may not get to them all in this lifetime, yet they record them, knowing that some of them, even just one of them, will become the way they make their personal ding in the universe.

Very often these ideas lead to discovery of personal mission and enjoyment of significant influence and even wealth.

Specific Visualization

The idea factory is operating at full capacity. Now it is time to spend time seeing the fruition in your mind’s eye. Experts offer a couple of ways to do this. One is to write out in some detail the outcomes you are imagining.

Some people get stuck here, because their imagination is not so vivid. That’s okay. There is another way.

More important is describing your feelings as if you have already completed the idea. This is where you practice of positive emotion kicks in with a turbo-charge of belief. Remember, you cannot gin this up. It has to come from a place of authenticity.

If you find you have to chose where you let your thoughts go, give priority to finding the feeling of having completed the idea. The right feelings will eventually fuel your productive visualization.

Other People Want to Be Them

Recently, someone crossed my path who had just won the lottery. Most people will respond to him with envy and jealousy. That is a condition they choose. The lottery winner did not cause the negative emotions in the onlookers.

Others will look at him with admiration and awareness that his luck in the lottery was not necessarily accidental but rather the culmination of the process of aligning his life to make room for the money and use it responsibly. There was also a hit of intuition involved.

That second model is the one to emulate. A jealous person can not experience abundance. A grateful person always experiences abundance and is always creating room for more blessings.

You’ve Got This

The journey is never complete. It never has to be perfect. But when we get out there on the leading edge, there is so much we can have, be and do. Don’t leave your gifts in the bag. Someday, when someone else is asked to think of a famous  or influential person, your name will be on their lips!

 

 

 

 

 

Fire Up Your Vibrators, People!

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The universe’s language is vibration. Scientists and physicists have shown conclusively that everything, without exception, vibrates. They have noted that they can view objects that appear solid and stationary through a microcope and observe that there is recordable movement.

It is also an inviolable truth that like attracts like. Fire attracts fire, water attracts water, love attracts love, war attracts war –– to name a few examples.

At a personal level, what matters is the vibration upon which we fix our thoughts.

I went through a phase when every driver on the road who did one certain thing stimulated frustration in me over the rush they were in. Then someone pointed out to me that I was the one in a rush, which explained why I continually focused on the behavior of drivers who slowed me down by forcing me to react to their carelessness or slow-pokery. I was noticing that which was in harmony with what I didn’t want. So I got more of what I didn’t want.

In a positive example, the one thought that transformed the life and love experience of this lonely, divorced man was my fixation on one simple idea. “The love you are looking for is also looking for you.”

That singular, simple belief made it exceedingly easy to know when I met the one. I immediately felt that we were harmonized –– vibrating in sync. And in the last 18 months it has proven to be true, over and over again.

Recall the axiom that music is the universal language. That is a saying that no one questions. Because music is nothing if not vibration.

We choose music based on how we feel. We also use music to change our emotional state.

Any planning we do for getting something we want to come our way begins with vibration. Think of your life as a melody line. The harmonies and accompaniment must join the melody you are singing. Change the melody and new harmonious accompaniment will join it.

Someone said that our lives are loudspeakers, giving out a vibration. Every experience, location and thing outside of us are also loudspeakers that broacast vibration, or frequencies. If you look at your life right now, whatever and whoever is around you, you see the perfect alignment of vibration with the thoughts and conditions you fixate upon. It already exists.

While you are not in control of what comes to you, you are in control of what you fixate on. Fixation shows up in our thinking, our words, our actions and our feelings. Those four things are the component parts of the vibration you are putting out. At the same time, people, places and things are streaming toward you in alignment with your loudspeaker’s vibration. That which you fixate on will keep showing up.

This is not determinism, however. Because the final gateway through which everything must pass to enter your experience is permission –– permission that only you can grant. You get to decide what outside-of-you forces to align with. You grant permission for love or lack of it, prosperity or lack of it, patience or lack of it, employment or lack of it and so on.

Camillo Loken puts it more succinctly: “thoughts really are things… thinking a thought produces the energy and the substance needed for it to exist by itself. Even though most thoughts are short-lived those we put effort into, focus on, or think intensely about become the “climate” or atmosphere we live in.” (Make a Ripple – Make a Difference, 2014)

Imagine a cool autumn morning. The summer temperatures have subsided and the furnace is not yet turned on. You feel the chill inside your home. You want to feel warm. Your’re on the couch in your family room completing work on your computer. You knew this day would come. While you sit there feeling the chill, your thoughts are drawn to find a solution for your being cold. Then you realize, it is right there in front of you. The fireplace. The wood. The matches. All is harmony. Your thought leads to effort. Your effort leads to a nice, warming flame in your fireplace.

When we fix our thoughts on something, we create the climate in which resources appear and align as potential for us to produce what we are thinking about. Sometimes great change happens quickly, because we permit it. Other times change is personally challenging because we are resisting it –– not granting permission for installation of a new reality.

I picked this simple illustration to show you that it is not that hard to visualize change once you begin to notice the resouces lining up to give you what you want. When the temperature was eighty degrees a few days ago, you didn’t even notice the fireplace, the wood stacked in the corner from last winter and the matches on the mantle.

We see and notice only that which is useful to us, that which we perceive will help us feel better. Even then, the aligned resources that have appeared for our comfort need to be employed. To revisit my fireplace illustration, you must get off the couch and light the fire if you want that comforting warmth to enfold you.

In my past, when I have read about these ideas, I tended to be hard on myself with beliefs that I was responsible for creating certain crummy situations. But this is not about blaming yourself. Instead, make a choice to engage your thoughts and emotions to broadcast a vibrational climate that aligns with the quality of life you hope to have. You know it works. The proof is all around you. Grant yourself permission to do something different, to feel something new and wonderful. Let the attraction and alignment begin!

7 Mind Rules You Must Know

Every athletic arena has a book of ground rules.These rules arbitrate the quirky and unexpected and tell the officials how to interpret those events. Usually, the ground rules rules are the same from arena to arena. For fairness and consistency, many ground rules are universally applied. In baseball, for example, the yellow foul pole is always in fair territory.

Similarly, a Universal Law is something that is true everywhere and all the time. The Law of Gravitation as discovered by Isaac Newton is one such law. He expressed it in an equation that is beyond my ability to try to explain. What I know, however, is that the Law of Gravitation is observable, reliable and quantifiable.

There is already a decent body of work about the various Universal Laws at work in human experience–observable, reliable, quantifiable laws that help us understand reasons that underlie success and failure. Napoleon Hill, for example, tried to explain those principles in his definitive text from the early twentieth century, Think and Grow Rich. Most people think the book is about becoming filthy rich. Its really about mastering your thought life.

In Maximum Achievement, Brian Tracey distills seven Universal Laws that govern the outcome of your thought. Some version of these will be found in nearly every analysis of human failure or achievement.

These Universal Laws of Mental Mastery are not magic. Since they are true everywhere and all the time, they provide a reliable framework to evaluate and understand the twists and turns of what some call fate, or providence.

Keep in mind that these Laws, or mental ground-rules, are inter-related. Even though this is a list, the Laws are not related in a linear way. There is ongoing interplay between these mental ground rules. They are component parts of a much larger system.

1. Law of control: 
You feel positive about yourself to the degree you are in control of your own life.

To be in control means you are acting rather than re-acting. You are being purposeful and goal oriented. You have made promises to yourself and you are determined to keep them. The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology notes that this autonomy–the feeling that your actions and habits are self-chosen and self-endorsed–is the single biggest contributor to personal wellbeing.

2. Law of cause and effect:
For every effect in your life there is a specific cause.

The thrown pebble lands on the water’s surface and the ripples begin. The light goes on when you flip the switch. The bacon sizzles if you put it in a hot pan. Whatever has happened, something preceded it. You have significant control over cause through the law of control over your actions. While you can forecast or predict effect, you cannot control it.

After the fact, the relationship between cause and effect seems so obvious, you might wonder how you ever could have thought there would be a different outcome.

3. Law of belief:
Whatever you believe, with feeling, becomes your reality.

A belief is simply a thought that you think a lot. Repetitious thought that is laden with strong feelings is more influential than other external factors. Pay attention to the feelings that ride along with your thoughts, for those feelings represent the thermostat that creates your external environment.

This Law can be a little tricky. Actively disbelieving something is a sign that you actually do believe it, or, at least, that you fear it. Otherwise, why would you bother giving it any mental energy? Fear is a strong emotion.

Carl Jung noticed, “What you resist, persists.” If your desire and belief are not aligning with your reality, you may need to sort feelings and exert control over the direction of your mental energy. Create an emotional sifter and let the useless thoughts and feelings fall away from you.

When you let your thoughts be directed by present circumstances you are believing that change is not possible, and so you start to repeat the thought processes and behaviors that got you there in the first place.

4. Law of expectation:
Whatever you expect with confidence becomes your own self-fulfilling prophesy.

Laura Day, in How to Rule the World from Your Couch, offers a helpful exercise. At this moment, she suggests, be the self you will be in twelve hours. Anxiety, says Day, is always future oriented. So take the future out of the equation. Be, at this moment, the person you will be in twelve hours after all of your day’s best choices have been made. Now, you know what to expect. It becomes your reality.

5. Law of attraction:
You attract into your life people and situations in harmony 
with your dominant thoughts and feelings.

So I am clear, I want to say what the Law of Attraction is not. This is not magic. It’s not a secret power to be harnessed, nor a technique for placing your order with the universe.

This Law exists in tension with the Law of Cause and Effect. Sometimes things happen that defy causal explanation.

Carl Jung, one of the most credible psychologists of the twentieth century developed the idea of “synchronicity” to explain that certain events, apart from an identifiable cause, connect in meaningful harmony with each other.

Notice the synchronicities, and be grateful.

6. Law of correspondence:
Your outer world is a reflection of your inner world.

Sitting in my office, I look around. There is nothing here that was not first here in my thoughts. My desk. My phone. My computer. My lamp. All of these were in my inner freelancer brain before they became visible in my outer world as tools of my trade.

I have had the most trouble with this Law. There is a temptation to use it as a club of judgment toward yourself or others. If the Law is true, then my, or their, inner world must be seriously messed up, you might think. This sort of thinking only perpetuates the inner mess! Instead, start defining what new things you need to be part of your life and begin taking action in that direction.

Ghandi gives voice to this law with the oft quoted insight, “be the change you want to see.”

7. Law of mental equivalency:
Thoughts objectify themselves. Thoughts become things.

Jack Nicklaus, the twentieth century golf great said, “I never hit a shot, even in practice, without having a very sharp, in focus picture of it in my head. It’s like a color movie. First I ‘see’ the ball where I want to finish, nice and white and sitting up high on the bright green grass. Then the scene quickly changes and I ‘see’ the ball going there: it’s path, trajectory, and shape, even it’s behavior on landing. Then there’s a sort of of fade-out, and the next scene shows me making the kind of swing that will turn the previous image into reality.”

By reading this you are becoming aware of these unchangeable and reliable laws. Now it is time to look for the ways they are at work in your own life.

Failure Is Not an Option, Or Is It?

One of my favorite television shows is HGTV’s Flip or Flop. It is about a married couple, Tarek and Christina, who are in the house flipping business. They take huge financial risks and often experience huge financial rewards because of it.

In fact that is one of their core beliefs: The size of the risk determines the size of the reward.

The other core belief, which Christina articulates at the beginning of every episode: Failure is not an option.

I have heard many successful people use that affirmation, and I respect their point of view. Yet something has always bothered me about it. Today I figured out what that is. I think they are not articulating something that underlies their success.

The fact that they are willing to put everything on the line for their project strongly suggests that they are, in fact, willing to fail.

What they are not saying, but they intuitively know, is the inverse of their core belief about huge risk, huge reward.

Huge risk can also mean huge loss.

Failure and success are not accomplished fates. They exist on a continuum of possibility and probability. And both leave clues.

To believe that failure is not an option is to proactively and actively move the project to success through successive correct choices based on our personal collection of clues about success and failure. Over time, we learn to stack the deck in our favor. Even though we are willing to fail, we probably won’t.

As I have watched successive seasons of Flip or Flop, I have seen Tarek and Christina mature in their deciding process and trust their choices more and more. For them, failure is less and less an option because they are confidently choosing success. Though the possibility of failure exists, they fear it less because they are continually turning up the dial toward success.

Henry David Thoreau, who wandered the environs of Walden Pond more than two-hundred years ago knew this when he wrote, “Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.”

To which I add, be willing to fail and you increase the chance that you will succeed.

 

 

6 Ways to Tame the Social Media Beast Without Killing It

 

Since the invention of the television, people have had a growing love affair with screens of all shapes and sizes.

All along our march toward bigger and better, and smaller and better screens some voices have been decrying the dangers of addiction to the various iterations of screendom.

To call it addiction seems to trivialize true substance addiction. Aren’t we also addicted to paved roads and telephones? These, along with our screens are an unavoidable part of life.

If we’re honest, we must admit that for many of us, screen time consumes large portions of our day. If you combine all the screens in your life it may be as high as twelve hour a day.  Yikes!

Once a week or so, I see a Facebook status from one person or another announcing their renouncing of Facebook to focus on more important things such as God and family.

Maybe it’s a religious trend. Last Sunday the pastor of a prominent evangelical church published a letter that seemed to suggest that his overuse of social media (along with other missteps) required that he hire additional pastors to make him more accountable.

In another case, one  jazz musician, Sinj Clarke blamed screen addiction for throwing his musical passion off track. (Source)

But maybe the screen time is not the real issue. Could it be that we are Narcissus, peering into the pond only to behold the reflection of our own image staring back at us? Oh, how we love that image. Oh, how unsatisfying to realize it cannot return the love we seek. And yet, we cannot avert our eyes. It is as though we seek permission in the approval of friends and followers to love ourselves.

When we measure our own worth in the currency of likes and retweets, it is time to rethink our involvement in social media.

Perhaps that unsatisfying experience is what motivates people to try and swear off social media. If a radical departure is what you need, then do it. For the rest of us, a taming of the beast might be just the thing we need. Here are some ideas.

1. Figure out your life purpose and make your social media involvement serve that purpose. Here is a TedTalk to help you get started.

2. Keep a list of key activities that are more important to you than scrolling through your social media feed. Do it now, instead of scrolling your feed.

Next time you’re tempted to blow twenty minutes on Facebook, do one of the activities on your list. You could learn a language. Lean to draw. Learn to play the ukelele. Look for a better job.

3. Say no to social media when you’re driving, eating with others, being paid to do your job or having sex. Too bad I had to say that.

4. One screen at a time. If you have choose which screen to attend to, you might watch less TV.

5. Schedule your screen time. When you do log on, check in or connect on social media, be kind, be brief and be gone.

6. If there is a choice between mindless scrolling and an actual conversation, choose the conversation. The person in front of you is far more interested in what you have to say than the few hundred who would forget you if they never saw your status updates.

 

 

Badassery Begins Here

Stay open or else you are screwed. –Jen Sincero

Jen Sincero wrote a book called You Are a Badass. I mean, really, how could I not pick that one up off the shelf? The message of this book? Get up off your ass and be awesome. Contains 254 pages of actionable steps to awesomeness.

Are you open to new thought habits and better outcomes than you ever could have thought or imagined? If not, save your money. If so, read it and get ready for your new awesomeness to bleed out into your daily life.

 

 

 

Tugging at Hope

Don Draper’s success in business is tied to one thing. He studies his prospective customer. Watch a few episodes of AMC’s MadMen and you’ll get this.

Mad Men 100 Greatest Quotes Season 1     

Once you know your customer, you no longer need clever, cute, pithy or corny. You only need to assemble a message that tugs at their hopes and dreams. A message that makes buying your product — today, if possible — the only reasonable course of action.